Random but important thoughts from Sunday night's Yankees vs. Red Sox game.
A bleak night for Yankees fans, as the Sox complete the sweep, going to 5-1 versus the Yanks this season.
In no particular order, here are 28 thoughts from a fan sitting in section 215 at the stadium.
1. Beautiful night at the stadium. Thank god I didn’t listen to weather.com. If I did, I would have ended up dressing like my dad—who looked like he was about to embark on a fishing trip with Long John Silver.
2. I broke out my “BOSTON SUCKS” shirt for the first time in a while. My dad bought the shirt for me when I was in third grade at one of my first Yanks/Sox games, and proceeded to get reamed out by my mother three hours later. Good thing for him (and my third-grade teacher, who would have had an aneurysm if I had worn it to school) that it was an adult large.
I couldn’t wear it anywhere except my bed until I was 11. The last time I wore it (a few years ago at the old stadium), I was asked by a customer service representative to turn it inside out because it had a “curse word” on it. Really? Are they bleeping out “sucks” on the radio these days? I hate political correctness. More than anything.
3. Freddy Garcia: The Honeymoon is over.
4. Yankees fans: Get ready for four months of a 4.50-plus ERA from “The Chief.”
5. What the hell has Freddy Garcia done to deserve such a reverential nickname anyway?
6. Lester is awesome. He was shaky in the beginning, but you had the feeling that if the Yanks didn’t knock him out early than he would settle down. He slammed the door after the second, turning it over in the sixth to Alfredo Aceves, making his first return to the stadium.
7. I was a little perplexed that the Yanks didn’t throw a flyer on Aceves this offseason. It was a low-risk move, and Aceves is a nice player. Solid sinker-baller, keeps the ball in the park, can pitch in any situation and can even make a spot start for you every now and then.
In other words, what Joe Girardi thought Sergio Mitre was. The Yanks may regret letting him go in a few months when Colon’s arm falls off and they can’t fill his spot in the rotation.
8. Andruw Jones’ home-run was a thing of beauty. Absolutely turned on a fastball and sent it hurtling out of the ballpark. Too bad the guy can’t hit a breaking ball.
9. Listening to the highlights on the radio on the way home from the game, I was waiting intently to hear John Sterling’s home run call for the Jones shot. His April call of “Jones Makes Bones!” was met with more derision than usual (even more than last April’s obscure and horrifically hilarious “Something Sort of Grandish!”).
Apparently he agreed, and decided to change it to “Merry Andruw!” Neither my father nor I could decipher the pun, pseudo-pun or rhyme that Sterling was attempting to reference, so I decided on one of three things:
a) He actually said “Mari-Andruw,” in a mind-bendingly dumb reference to Mariano Rivera. You know, ‘cause Mariano’s a great player. Who hits a lot of home-runs.
b) He actually said “Marry Andruw,” hilariously suggesting to color woman Suzyn Waldman that she and a 34-year old DH from Curacao would make an excellent couple.
c) He was so surprised by Jones’ homerun that he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
Someone please get Sterling a team of writers. If he’s insistent on doing these inanely dumb calls, can he please not make my ears bleed in the process?
On second thought, I take it back. He and Suzyn are the funniest duo in the entertainment business. Even if exactly 100 percent of their hilarity is entirely unintentional (By the way, my vote is for possibility C).
10. The Youkilis shot was even nicer. What a bomb. As much as I hate the guy, he is an incredible hitter. Even though every time I watch his right hand go up and down the bat, I can’t help but crack a joke about how he must have learned to hit while watching Richard Simmons videos.
11. These pictures don’t really do it justice, but the phenomenon I discussed in my “Death of Intensity” piece could not have been supported better by tonight’s game. I know the forecast was bad, but it still only called for a 50 percent chance of rain. I can’t imagine deciding not going to a Sunday Night Yanks/Sox game because there’s a 50/50 chance I might get wet.
In completely unrelated news (as you can strain your eyes to see in the pictures), there were thousands of empty seats scattered throughout the stadium, but the bleachers were packed.
12. More incredibly, the stadium was far more than half empty by the seventh inning. This would be perfectly understandable if it wasn’t a one run game against the RED SOX! I know that it didn’t happen, but there was a pretty solid chance that there would be a very memorable pie-involved ending to that game, and nobody cared.
And don’t give me the “it was a long game” excuse. As I walked through the concourse at 10:50 (just two hours and forty minutes after first pitch), a seemingly never-ending stream of “fans” paraded past me and towards the stairs. Some of them were families with children who had school in the morning.
A lot of them were thirty and forty-somethings holding beers, college kids and women wearing Yankees gear. This was exactly 82 seconds after the Yankees had just fallen short of mounting a game–tying comeback. Why the hell are you buying tickets for a Yanks/Sox game if your going to leave during a close game in the seventh inning? I will never, ever, ever, ever understand this.
13. Wait, did I really just pay ten bucks for this soggy, skimpy, falling-apart burrito? Welcome to Yankee Stadium.
14.Wait, did they really sell out of FIVE DOLLAR water bottles by the seventh inning? Yep, welcome to Yankee Stadium.
15. Terry Francona is the anti-Joe Girardi. Francona had lefty Rich Hill up in the bullpen, but decided to bring in right-handed fire-baller Daniel Bard to face Cano in a big situation. This made sense because: a) Rich Hill could pump his body full of steroids, amphetamines and every other banned substance and not have even half-as-impressive stuff as Bard; b) Cano actually hits lefties better than righties most of the time; c) Francona didn’t learn how to manage from listening to a WCBS Sterling/Waldman broadcast.
Francona clearly told Bard to not give Cano anything he could drive, and ended up intentionally walking the slick-swinging lefty to get to the stick-swinging blackhole that is Nick Swisher. Meanwhile, Girardi ended up (kind of) getting away with an explosively dumb move. Down one run with a runner on second and one out, he decided to walk Adrian Gonzalez to get to Kevin Youkilis—the same guy who hit a towering bomb a few innings prior (or as I heard Sterling say during the highlights, a “Lazy fly ball to left and it is….gone!”).
I assume Girardi’s delusional reasoning was that he wanted to set up a double play—something that Youkilis has been a victim of exactly two percent of the time this year. Girardi actually got extremely lucky and got what might have been a double play ball but then:
16. Alex Rodriguez pulled a Bill Buckner.
17. More bad moves by Girardi: having Brett Gardner sacrifice because his selective memory always seems to block out the fact that Brett Gardner doesn’t know how to bunt and the Yankees have just five successful sac bunts this year. Yes, I know a speedy slap-hitting outfielder who could pass as a cast member on the Dukes of Hazzard looks like the type of player who should be able to lay one down, but that doesn’t change the fact that he isn’t one.
18. Also: Replacing Garcia with Boone Logan with out in the sixth after one right-handed batter because two lefties were coming up. This didn’t backfire, but if you don’t have enough confidence in your starting pitcher—who is required to face any and all hitters who choose to stand in the lefty batter’s box—to get an out against a southpaw, then he shouldn’t be in the game. Even to face a north-paw.
19. Garcia’s relatively warm ovation upon being taken out of the game was one of the most sickening things I can remember witnessing at a sporting event, right up there with DeSean Jackson’s punt return (Okay, that’s the overstatement of the century). Garcia’s final line: 5.1 IP, 6 H, 5 R, 4 ER, 2 BB and 1 Big-Fat-Loss. Apparently this is what passes for a praise-worthy performance these days in the Bronx.
20. Posada’s rousing standing ovation was awesome and absolutely the correct response from the crowd. It couldn’t compare to the hilarious “Jorge! Jorge!” chants of the bleacher creatures during first-inning role call, however.
21. Wait, did Girardi really just let Jorge Posada stay on first in a two-run game instead of pinch running for him with Eduardo Nunez? I’m telling you, I have no idea how the Yankees won a World Series with this guy.
22. I really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hate Jonathan Papelbon. Like, a lot.
23. Ah, Enter Sandman. Nothing compares.
24. Metallica is playing a concert at the stadium in September. The poster says: “Slayer, Megadeath & Anthrax” under “Metallica.” This is either three really absurd band names, one really cool band name or the most awesome law-firm ever.
25.The Yankees 6-9 hitters: Nick Swisher (.217), Andruw Jones (.237), Russell Martin (.243), Brett Gardner (.250).
26. Ivan Nova has a 4.70 ERA and a 1.57 WHIP.
27. Bartolo Colon weighs 15 pounds more than Freddy Garcia—even though he is generously listed at four inches shorter than his 250 pound counterpart. Yes, the back end of the Yanks’ rotation weighs a combined 515 pounds, according to the media guide. You know, the same one that’s published by the team that’s trying to avoid bad “fat” puns on the back page of the Daily News.
28. Only 275 days until pitchers and catchers.
Jesse Golomb is the creator and writer of SoapBoxSports byte. If you enjoyed this article, or want takes on the rest of the Major Leagues, the NFL and more from the Opinion Guy, visit soapboxsportsbyte or follow @SoapBxSprtsByte
No comments:
Post a Comment